New Furniture

Look what Cameron won for me at her job! New furniture for my "Bitch
Lair" as she called it...

Motorcycle Motivational Posters

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R. Joseph Hill ■ FSG Electric ■ PH 512-837-0022 ■ FAX 512-837-528-----------6 ■ MB 512-507-9492

FW: Emailing: motivation.htm

Motivational Posters for those who love bikes

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One Sexy Bitch!

I love this motorcycle..I went to Napalm Motorsports in Austin today and was looking at the Victory bikes...oh my gawd...talk about sexy...i'm so gonna get a victory bike instead of harley...this bike shown here is a Victory Vegas Jackpot (fitting, right) and I'm gonna own either this one or one of her twin sisters...106 cubic inches of pure bitch...this thing had hand crafted diamond cut headers and that front tire is just sick...I just need a spare $25 g's and it's mine...something to work towards since I don't have any kiddo's to put thru college...the other thing I like about these bikes is that the back tire is freaking HUGE...it's got that custom chopper/dragster appeal that screams "I'm a bad mother fucker"...which is important for the ego when it's all you got left...so I'm in...once I own this bike, I'll have me an American made bike and I might be able to get into the Monguls finally...I'm gonna see if they'll bend on the murder and crank addiction rules for me, but it's one step closer nonetheless...

boring ass Saturday nite...

i'm so fucking booooooored!!!! i tried playing some playstation, but it was acting up and the stupid thing keeps trying to run updates, but keeps screwing up...i swear, the new PS3 is worse than iTunes with the amount of updates...everytime I turn it on, it wants to update...grrr...then I checked out my AT&T account only to find out that the new U-Verse IS available in my area, contrary to what the tweedle-dumbfuck customer service prick told me that signed me up for DishNetwork (which sucks more than I can put into words)...

anyhow, so now, I'm just tooling around the internets looking for some leather lever tassels for my bike...can't find any I like...i wants some really long obnoxious one that beat the shit outta me when i'm flying down the highway...i got some AC/DC kicking so that's pretty cool...oh, and I'm getting a little buzzed off the Shiner Bock...man, that is the best damn beer in the world...it's how I know that God loves me...

New Presidential Limo

The Art of The Shart

Urban Dictionary: shart
shart - a small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart (blend of "shit" and "fart")


Well, it was bound to happen (again)...not that this hasn't ever happened to me before as an adult...it happens as frequently as me finding toilet paper in my crack in the shower, but not as frequent as I find lint in my belly button...

What? Details, you say? Ok, why not...I had just gotten back from lunch (not to give anyone bad press, but I ate at a place that sounds alot like "Taco Bell"..oh damn..gave it away *shrug*)...I was enjoying a post lunch smoke procrastinating going back to work and I swear it was like adding an oxydizing agent to gasoline...that "blurg-blurg-blurg" sound coming from my gut should have given it away, but I was certian I had a solid one...anyhow, almost finished smoking my "fag" (as dad calls it) when I gave a little grunt and holy shit...no really...i felt it...and it was the good kinda feel..in fact, I'm certain it took less than 3/10ths of a second to permeate all the way thru my jeans...now, of course today I would have to be wearing really light faded jeans, so it looked like I had sat in a pile of mud...I immediately snuffed out the fag on the ground, which is another issue, cuz the nazi warehouse manager is I'm sure going to come give me another talking to about leaving fags on the ground...but there was no way in hell I was bending over to pick it back up...I had shit to go take care of...

So, I waddled into the office, (back door) and went straight to the can...I texted my Dad to ask his opinion of the current crisis at hand...he had several brilliant suggestions from cutting my drawers up and putting them in a coworkers trash basket, to stuffing my shitty drawers into the paper towel dispenser (that one I considered)...none of which I subsequently did...I did however, have to strip down in the bathroom...I managed to get my work boots kicked off, dropped my jeans to the my ankles, then right off...dropped the drawers and I swear...just call me "pudding cup" from now on, cuz this was fucking spectacular...so what to do...well, off with the drawers, threw in the sink and started running hot water over them...I evaluated the seepage damage to my jeans and decided it best to go home and change...

But wait, how the hell do I get from the bathroom to my truck and be inconspicuous about it? Well, read on my faithful...after I got my butt cleaned, oh and the toilet seat cuz things had splattered a bit and I had shit smeared clear across both cheeks...oh, is that too much information? hmm, perhaps I should censor myself...yeah, right...ok, so anyway, fast forward a bit and 27 paper towels...I DID wash my hands post shit this time...I always joke about not washing my hands unless I actually get pee or poo on them...well, this time, I most certainly did wash...on another note, I don't remember eating...oh wait, yes I do...nevermind..

So, commando style outta the bathroom, I walked nonchalantly back to my office carrying my soiled drawers wrapped in paper towels tightly balled up in my hand back to my office...I shoved them in my coat pocket (did I mention I love the cold weather, btw?) and put on my jacket...I left the office and I will say this much...I LOVE THE GUY CODE...I popped my head in my coworkers office and told him I had to step out for a bit to go home and change...he kinda looked up a bit and asked if everything was ok, and I just told him that I had misjudged a fart and he just nodded...no explanation needed...no judgement...he understands that shit happens...

Here's a follow up interesting article I found on the internets on how to hide a shart...interesting note to this article...it's written by a female, so apparently, this isn't a male only phenomenon...happy reading...

How to Hide a Shart

And yes, someday, some lucky lady will be honored to have me father her children...

Biggest Ceiling Fan I've ever seen

D..D..D...DOUCHEBAG!!!

Power Shutdown today...

Man this crap is OLD!!! It's going away and we are installing a new padmounted transformer instead of this stuff...this picture doesn't do it justice to how knarly it is...this was taken moments before the utility company boomed up and pulled the fuses and disconnected us from the grid...

And here's the nasty bitch that kept us there all afternoon and evening...we couldn't touch any of this stuff until the utility was shut down...the church wouldn't allow us to kill power until, yep you guessed, 4pm on a Friday...which meant we were there wrestle with it...supply houses were closed and we are flying by the seat of our pants... We got everything terminated and then we learned that he 500kw generator that was rented had a blown controller board and we were ultimately unable to re-energize power back the facility...will be back onsite at 7am in the morning...the generator guys were rolling us out a replacement that is supposed to be arriving tonite between 11pm/midnight...it better be there in the morning is all I can say...